In different worlds

Photo by Fritz Dalida

She was on her bed, staring at the bland ceiling that greatly differs from the clutter in her home. She closes her eyes and inhales for a split second, imagining herself in a place where the wind was cool, the heat was ticklish, the sun was satiated, and the smell was salty. Everything was bright, cheerful, and wonderful. She dreams to be back to the place where she forgot everything that hurt and everything that had to deal with reality.

"I hate feeling sorry for myself, feeling so sad.” She chokes on her words, hugs on to her worn out and shapeless pillow, and tries to stop another tear from falling.

She keeps remembering the sound of the waves that crept up to the shore; its inconsistency mysterious and alluring. She remembers the texture of the rocks under her feet buried in the sand as she faces the horizon, the intensity and play of lights in the sky with the sound of laughter blasting through her ears.

 The shadows of her companions; their presence triggered both peace and adrenaline that still keep her wishing for longer days off a coast where not much roam. Her eyes would usually meet another’s, and her instinct made her face the other direction. For a split second, she thought it was just a look of chance. It was just them in their haven, under the sky that seemed to have endlessly kept them close, untouched.

And here she was, alone again with her own troublesome thoughts. “I just need to know that it still exists."

She positioned her head towards her window, facing the thick and cracked glass. The moon resembled something familiar and hopeful.

“I felt something from you,” she sputtered. “Even if it seemed like it was nothing, I still hoped it was real.” The vulnerable soul imagines him there, his silhouette; she makes out his face, the face of a man that occupied all she could ever lose control of, holding her in his arms and stroking her hair as the tears suddenly kept falling.

“I want to open my heart to you,” she utters, “even if I know I can’t, because I know I’m not what you want, and I never will be.”

The barren room slowly fills with salt water she tastes so knowingly. Washed away are all that is futile. She leaves herself weightless, as the waves bring her to another land of solace. The image of his thoughtful face makes her heart burst. She closes her eyes and drifts away.