Unrequited

From my Tumblr

I stared at the white, textured walls and felt that ongoing tug in my chest as you stood next to me.

I couldn’t deny that there seemed to be more to what we had and signed up for, something unspoken and not completely acknowledged. It was more than just the effortless and giddy vibes, the thoughtful gifts and meaningful conversations that ranged from playful to stimulating.

You were helping me become a better person. And the more I was with you the less fearful I was of my capability to love someone again.

But I suppose that bliss was only short-lived. Although I was never a hundred percent sure with you, or with anyone for that matter, I knew that what I’ve been feeling for you then was something I wanted to fight for and eventually did, even if you didn’t want to anymore. But I couldn’t complain because I was never yours and you were never mine.

I can’t deny the cracks you’ve caused and the bright streams of light that managed to make its way through the wall I’ve constantly built. That’s what I held on to, no matter how much I knew that it was better to live our lives apart as two people who have different paths and different dreams, people who needed to grow on their own.

In that defining moment, I couldn’t utter the words, asking you to stay with me. I couldn’t look at your sore and sad eyes and I couldn’t watch you eventually walk away. I turned around, closed my eyes and emitted tears because I knew you wouldn’t be there anymore.

Something got lost along the way when your priorities changed, as if I was no longer one of them. And I knew that I could no longer take the feeling of neglect and unrequited compromise. I could no longer believe that I mattered enough.

Even then, I won’t ever regret placing myself in a position of ambiguity and taking another chance because I knew you were worth it.

As I stood by that isolated corner, I felt the winds tease the strands of my hair. I took a deep breath, set aside the hurt for a moment and whispered words of gratitude. Thank you for being with me and for making me realize why it is only right to let go.