My last letter to the boy in the ocean

From http://itiswrittenforyou.files.wordpress.com

We find ourselves alone again.

But before we completely swim in different directions, I’d like to let you know a few things.

I’m sorry we weren’t able to take our much-awaited adventures together. I’m sorry we sailed when the tides weren’t in cadence and I’m sorry I had to make a choice, for fear of us both getting stuck among stormy skies and roaring waves.

Thank you for understanding, appreciating and accepting my prune-like fingers. For watching the skies change with me. For loving and marveling at how the sunlight seeps through the ocean surface, and tangles the curves of our bodies so perfectly. For reminding me that the depth we were submerged in and the saltiness of the water was, at one point, actually harmless. For soothing me and keeping me warm when I felt chills from the water’s sudden or random change of temperature.

Thank you for guiding me as I stepped off the shore despite the grave uncertainties and possible dangers you knew were in store for us.

As I plunge deeper, explore further, and eventually find solace and be at peace with the ocean’s foreign entities I once knew, I would silently pray and be grateful for meeting the boy who helped me learn how to breathe underwater. I’m learning again.

And even though I couldn’t join you or even allow you to compromise the kind of voyage you deserve, I’m glad I didn’t drift away, even when I had multiple chances to.

I really did enjoy my stay and I hope you did too.

I hope you never forget that whether we do it together or apart, the ocean is still ours to conquer.

The white lady I saw in my room

From digplanet.com

This is a story I wish was just something I imagined. But as much as it was chilling, it was real.

It was about 2 o’clock in the morning and I couldn’t sleep. All was silent. The lights in the house were turned off and everyone was asleep. I went downstairs to keep myself preoccupied. Hours after, as I was back inside my room, I noticed that oddly enough, the fan was open, contrary to me turning it off before I left.

As I laid on my bed and settled in, I couldn’t shake off this bad feeling seeping in my chest. I involuntarily scanned the room and noticed a figure standing several steps away from my bed. Faintly illuminated by the light shining through my bedroom window, I stared at the faceless woman in the white dress, whose hair was jet black, stiff and long.

My body immediately froze. Everything was then eerily silent and the air turned stiff, like all the particles in the air suddenly vanished. Something prickled my skin, and I felt like I was robbed of breath.

I shut my eyes, feeling my heart suddenly pounding through my chest and goose bumps engulfing me. I heard myself say, “Our Father in heaven, holy be thy name… Please give her peace. Lord, please make her go away.” over and over again. I couldn’t open my eyes, for fear that she was still there, possibly inches away from my face, and I couldn’t turn around and find a more comfortable position, for fear that she was beside me.

I kept counting the seconds until I finally opened my eyes. She was gone.

I jerked and stared into the darkness. I continued to breathe heavily as I mustered enough strength to rush to my sister’s bed and lay next to her. Shaking uncontrollably, with tears forming in my eyes, I told her what I saw.

Although my back was soothed and my mouth was hydrated with a glass of lukewarm water, I kept shivering. My eyes were wide open for fear that she would come back. Every sound I heard – the thud of the bedside drawer, the rustling of the leaves and the clattering of the pots and pans in the kitchen – frightened me.

“Please don’t make her come back. Please don’t make her come back,” I mustered to myself.

Paranoia took a hold of me as I continued to survey the room and constantly stare at the vacant corner where she stood, before I finally drifted off to sleep.

She wasn’t anything close to a shadow or floating, transparent entity. She was real, like a body I could touch. I was sure it wasn’t someone I knew, or someone I’ve lost.

Seeing her and her figure etched in my memory will make me think of creatures that roam and choose their victims, possibly anyone different enough to see things, or anyone who would coincidentally be awake at such an inconvenient hour.

How I floated in the dead space

From my Tumblr

It is about two o’clock in the morning. I am down to the last few words on the final page of a book I have deeply fallen in love with.

As I place the hardbound cover on the unmade sheets of my bed, I stare at the bland ceiling and the barrenness becomes more enchanting than it otherwise claims itself to be.

Something is tugging my sides yet I have not the faintest idea what it exactly is. Words seemed to form and erupt from the dusty, forgotten corners of the room and float in the dead space. It’s as if the world has a message for me. I start dreaming of things I don’t want to remember and things that I find most meaningful.

In the dim of the yellow light, I observe the stillness of my shadow and wonder how much of life I’ve learned about and how much I’ve yet to see. I get up, look out the window and see that the world is asleep, but I have never felt more alive, aware of how everything feels so heavy.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say or what my mind is capable of, yet I want to scream it to anybody who would understand. I feel disturbed as I am dealing with something I cannot fully comprehend, at least not at this very moment, or maybe at least not anytime soon. I’m floating in this space filled with much loss and uncertainty; in a world of maybe’s and probably’s.

Stuck in a trance, I shut my eyes, feel the lines on my face form, and try to drift off in peace and let the space engulf me.

He took me out for a swim

From my Tumblr

In a deserted area where the white sand gleamed under the heat of the young sun, our hearts were basking in a feeling we thought we had forgotten.

You looked at me with your half-opened eyes, took out your hand and said, “Let’s go.”

Thoughts lingered to a figure on the shore that was watching the tides roll by as they tickled her prune-like toes. But beneath the roaring of the wind and the explosion of the waves, I held on. I did not know where we were and how we were able to wade in the deep, but I was rattled by the need to drift away.

You stopped, wondered and asked if I could make it further, but I stared at the emptiness below my feet and I was unable to say anything.

Then I realized that although the horizon seemed terrifying and the vastness distant, I would look at you and adore how the water trickled from your fingertips and your eyelashes. I would whisper a "thank you" as the warmth of your hands comforted the dampness of mine after I told you how I felt about you. I would lean on your shoulder, look up at the clear sky, and close my eyes as I felt your hot breath and soft kisses on my forehead.

In that moment, all we had were the ocean bed and the painted hues changing above us as we watched the sun fall and rise, and fall and rise to the unknown.

.

As the time passed, I no longer felt the need to return to the land I once found refuge in. I stared at the horizon, looked away and marveled at the elegance of the waves beneath me.

I was surprised by this strong desire to stay longer than usual in between the barren shore and deep waters, and learn how to swim in both the stillness and rapidity. I happily waded and decided to plunge below the trenches at a different time when the skies would be much clearer and when I was braver and more skilled to tackle the waves.

In between dreams and consciousness

From ~sk8erteck's Deviantart account

I close my eyes and the sound continues to tickle my ears. As I fall asleep, everything suddenly becomes mute. I feel paralyzed, living somewhere between dreaming and being awake. The light streaming from the blinds that are gracefully swaying by the glass window wakes me up. I feel the crinkled sheets and smell traces of you. I lay my head on the worn out pillows and stare at the tiny specks that are floating in the air and dancing with the rays. With the time unnoticed and the world so still, I have never felt calmer.

If I fall in love with you, you will never die

From my Tumblr

Late at night or early in the morning, when my thoughts are in a colorless and hazy void, I will think of you. I will remember how your eyes told me the things you couldn’t say. I will remember how time spent with you easily flowed, time spent in a far off area that still felt like home to me. I will remember your stride, your pursed lips and your innocent kisses, the echoes of your laugh, the subtle lines on your face, the faint smell of your hair and the shape of your fingernails.

You will always will be that star hidden among the midnight clouds, the slight ripple in a calm sea, or the drop of rain in the humid air.

Whether or not we share some remaining parts of our lives together, if I fall in love and explore the deepest and darkest trenches with you, you will never die.

Take a trip

Photo by Kevin Prudon

Little adventures in places with hidden wonders.

The bright hues were beginning to darken. Lights from honking vehicles, lamp posts and nearby shops soon showcased, guiding our curious feet, interested minds and wandering eyes. Several lanterns hung above us, even banners with complex-looking Chinese characters.

Smells of incense, sweat, fried food, fruits being sold in vendors’ carts, aftermaths of light rain and traces of the day’s heat were irresistible. The flavors of Chinese noodles and other quite foreign, truly authentic delicacies danced around in my mouth. My palette was on fire.

Different sounds rung in my ears. Horses’ hooves attached to quaint kalesas cackling along the pavement, engines of cars and motorcycles, mixed and mostly heightened voices of people in contact.

And of course, there was the best kind of company. Thoughts were expressed, antics were shared, and warm memories were made.

Take trips in areas that you haven’t explored, with people who share the same passions you do. It soothes the soul. Or something like that.

Near-death experience

From my Tumblr

"If you close your eyes right before the train hits, your brain will think that you have died. Some people find calmness in this."

As I did so, I literally felt a tug somewhere, which honestly caught me by surprise. For a split second, I was in a trance, yet aware of M83's sultry tunes still playing in the background. I did feel calm, sort of peaceful, at one point.

But I couldn't keep my eyes closed long enough. I felt goosebumps and breathed heavily. I was surprised that I was able to bear, if not anticipate the feeling of knowing that I was still sitting in my room, seeing my art materials scattered on my bed, the racks of hanged pieces in my closets, and the MS Word tabs open, containing information needed for a news article I'm currently working on.

Sometimes you need this sort of push to realize that you are actually capable of finding further motivation for whatever it is in your life that may have kept you at standstill. There are things that require your engrossment, effort and existence. I realized that I am still more than willing to undergo all that before my time ends.

So I was pleased to find out that I could never completely lose that sense of wonder or that sense of faith, despite its occasional and often severe dwindling. Eventually, I would find solutions and answers, if I would let myself do so, or better yet, if I would keep moving and find whatever that is for myself.